Monday, May 8, 2006

India, a software superpower

In 6 Autobiographical Chapters
Chapter One (The Application)
To,
Recruitment In charge,
Hi-fly Technologies.

Subject: Application to offer myself for the openings in your firm.

Respected Sir/Madam,
This letter is in response to your advertisement calling for engineering professionals. I intend to offer myself for the career opportunities you have in offing.
It is with no ambiguity when I say that every engineering professional aspires to have their careers kickstarted with a start at your esteemed organization. Your renowned organization's name is synonymous with "Technology and Development" and it is hard not to have heard of you, especially among the engineering fraternity.
As of you to know me, I am attaching herewith my personal academic and other information in my resume for your kind perusal.
I hope to meet you in person and prove to you, my ability and deservedness to associate my services towards both our interests.
Yours faithfully,
Saaz Aggarwal

Chapter Two (The Interview)
Good morning to you madam. Myself Saaz Aggarwal. I am extremely most grateful that you are abling to consider my applications. I am very hardworking and sincere person. If you will give me opportunity I will forever grateful. I will work very very hard and you will never be causing to complains. My technical skills is very excellent. From childhood itself I am doing websurfing and I enjoy to computer games too much. So my mama-papa they are telling to me that you must have to become software engineer. Software engineers is very hard working and getting foreign opportunity also. Further, my communication skills is also perfect and I am having leadership abilities to demonstrate. Now I will tell little about myself. Myself Saaz Aggarwal. I am very sincere and hardworking person. Upto fifth standard I am standing first in class every day. I am very brilliant by nature and was getting into engineering colleges in many states but have chose to continue further studies in Pune itself. In hobbies I am solving aptitude test and CAT papers daily. Everyday I am enjoy the cricket on TV. Please to give me opportunity in your esteemed organization and I will never regret.


Chapter Three (My Date Of Joining Is Also My Birthday)
Good morning to you all of you my dear friends and superiors. I am not thinking any other company in whole world is bringing cake for each and every single employees. I am very extremely happy and lucky person to join company who is giving so much individual importance to all of the individuals and today is my birthday also so thanking you very much for birthday cake and celebrations. Today is my first day of working in company. I am very bright and fresh youngster. I am think to learn great deal and contribute to growth of company. I will be very hardworking and never complain about all the situations. My family is told to me that I should try my best in all the things. I will try to my utmost to satisfy my superiors in every works they are telling to me. I look forward to very long and fruitful associations with all of you my very dear friends. This is company to be exactly like family to me and I am extremely very happy, nobody can feel so happy as I am feeling. After many years I will work and company shall gain many benefits from me and I too shall grow along with company.

Chapter Four (Going On Site. One Month Later)
Now I have finish to my induction training. I am learning too many things about dotnet and so many nice-nice Microsoft technologies. All the colleagues are very friends. Company has offered many nice nice facilities and facilitate paying of electricity bill, telephone bills and the like. We are having too nice supportive environment in company. Next week ago I am going to put on live project in client-side. I will getting some allowances and the like. Next week I am getting loan approval to take bike. I shall bring peda for all the friends and superiors in office. My office is too nice place and we are enjoying many Japanese classes also.


Chapter Five (My HR Department. Six Months Later)
I was thinking that my HR manager was liking to me very much. Every time when I am seeing her I am saying hello with very big smile. She is also smiling and looking very much happy. One day she was telling to me that you must fill up training feedback form. I am ticking to every box is “excellent” so I am thinking HR manager will be happy with me. Now my six months trainee periods is over and I think so my performance is very extremely good so we shall be skip probation periods and HR will be going to do my confirmation in performance review. However such is not the case. I am be continue in probation only. My many other friends are there in other companies and this time all companies are giving 20% pay hike to all employees however here we are not getting. I am think so management is got confused in expansion mode.

Chapter Six (The Application. Ten Months Later)

To,
Recruitment In charge,
Cocacolasys Infotech.

Subject: Application to offer myself for the openings in your firm.

Respected Sir/Madam,
This letter is in response to your advertisement calling for experienced software professionals.
I intend to offer myself for the project opportunities you have in offing.
I am very intelligent and hardly workings 3 years experience Project Leader with extensive knowledge of Japanese language and cultural habits. I have worked on large number of Japanese client side projects and have become familiar with lot many Japanese peoples and cultural habits. I was also about to past Sankyu level of Japanese language certification however project pressures came and I was working daily till 2 p.m. in the morning so therefore I was unable to prepare for examination. If I was getting opportunity to pass examination then surely I would have been getting 70% or 80% marks. If I am sent to client side project in Japan then Cocacolasys Infotech will be getting my very good benefits.
As of you to know me, I am attaching herewith my personal academic, experience, and other information in my resume for your kind perusal.
I hope to meet you in person and prove to you, my ability and deservedness to associate my services towards both our interests. However please to excuse me from sitting for aptitude test. My aptitude is being very excellent. I am having 3 years experience and aptitude test need not be required for senior members of development team.
Yours faithfully,

Saaz Aggarwal 

First appeared in Sunday Mid-day on 7 May 2006, as part of a series in which Saaz parodied a range of humour writers, using their voices to tell Bombay stories.